I am not happy to announce that I have solved the mystery of Andrew Cuomo’s nipples.
Believe me, there are more important things happening in the world and more fun topics than I think to think about. But about a week after a Reddit user first suggested that the governor of New York may have stabbed the nipples, people continue to entertain ideas – completely ignorant of the evidence, the reasons, and the basic investigation.
Wednesday, I mean The Forgetting Game host Stephen Colbert got in on the act, talking to gubernatorial nips on-air. He did not try to find the truth. He squeezes my hand, here’s the answer: Andrew Cuomo had tiles or straps to attach to his knitted nipples. I know this because I’ve tested it myself – and I’ve got some backup photos.
G / O Media may receive a commission
First, let’s talk about some of the most popular hypotheses regarding the unpleasant emergence of Cuomo’s nipples on Friday. The first suggestion, that is Cuomo you had jewelry hanging from one or both of his nipples, it’s very easy to get revenge. To very high resolution pictures, rarely look like a big X on his chest. Although each nipple is stabbed twice, these organs are too long and too hard to be software.
One opinion says that curly chest hair they were intended to create strange vegetation. But the pictures appear a previous event where Cuomo is wearing the same polo show shirt with no mental distortions at all.
The picture above points to a third possibility: Governor Andrew Cuomo (or his deputies), aware of previous times in which he wore a white polo shirt and pulled out, tied his nipples. This has proven to be of great importance. While it might have seemed right at first, just dumping the tape made the nipples problem worse.
To some, “tipple tip” may sound nice, but in certain circles, it’s not uncommon. Runners, for example, often cover their ribs with tape or adhesive straps to prevent them distribution of pain. There is also variety products designed to prevent nipples from becoming visible through wear. A telling Amazon to review in ano ther cover already sold to men says: “OK but wrinkles have shown.”
Another photo from Friday’s event shows what looks like a shudder to lose the ruler’s weapon. It’s easy to imagine the sweat loosening of the Cuomo’s nipple lid attachment, leading to convulsions. It’s almost easy to check.
To finally put the matter into perspective, I did five tests with a white t-shirt (below) this morning: One where I wore nipple covers, one where I covered with masking tape, one where I covered the bandages are very sticky, and the two at which I sucked the nipple cover with sweat made (water).
Without the cover, there was a clear exit. And dry, both tape and bandages do a good job at hiding my nipples. Once brought down, bandages are created happily general condition:
So there you have it, folks. The mystery has been solved If I could give one piece of advice to the governor’s office, here it is: Nipples can’t be shy about it. Why try to hide from them?