The Battletoads were products of a weird era sitting at the crossroads of the 90s, gross cartoons and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Phenomenon. This is a strange cocktail for a side-scrolling bat and a challenge for a modern audience. Does this restart strike a successful balance between old and new? That’s a fair question, but it’s so low on the list of issues that it’s irrelevant. The biggest and most common problem is much simpler: Battletoads just aren’t fun.
The classic Battletoads games are traditionally referred to as rackets, but they also experimented with other play styles, such as the infamous Turbo Bike Tunnel. This restart is based on the same philosophy, with players switching between different activities for short mini-games or entire levels. But this diversity does not lead to entertainment. Whether you’re beating up aliens, shooting down spaceships, or hacking door locks, Battletoads is deeply uninteresting. Instead of establishing mechanics and building on them, the game takes you through a series of shallow detours.
For example, the third act (out of four acts) lets you switch between two types of stages: one is a top-down space shooter and the other is a 2D platformer. Both types are sterile, naked representations of their respective genres; You blow up oncoming ships and then push boxes around in simple puzzles. They’re straightforward and boring, and last much longer than their simple designs can support. Most gameplay variations feel like this, from riding turbo bikes to letting off a progressive acid wave. You will immediately understand what these sections are, but they are no longer welcome as they become more difficult with no interesting twists and turns.
The brawls are what Battletoads does best, though that’s not a huge compliment. Each toad has a slightly different style of play with unique moves, but varying how fast or strong your character is will not increase the average fight. The action is familiar but functional; You punch and kick through bad guys and sometimes your toad’s body turns into strange objects. A handful of boss fights break the action, but they expose the weaknesses in the mechanics (like trying to hit certain targets with your tongue) rather than exploiting them.
Some enemies have complementary attacks and t workÖtogether, but it usually feels like an all-rounder. The screen fills with bad guys, projectiles, and other hAzards that can make the action difficult to parse. Teamwork is ideal here, as three players can play in local co-op mode (online is not available). While the extra help comes in handy during major brawls, playing co-op can be a hazard at other stages. For example, a partner’s silly mistake while dodging oncoming obstacles on Turbobikes limits the number of chances you have of successfully completing the fight.
While some elements of the gameplay can put your skills to the test, the story is certainly not aimed at experienced gamers. I wasn’t expecting a great narrative from Battletoads, but I wasn’t prepared for how hopelessly lame it could bed be. The Toads Adventure is full of scenes that feel sparse or incomplete, full of annoying characters and silly jokes. This is not a situation that some gags just don’t land in. The attempts at humor are so aggressively reluctant that I crouched down during every cutscene. As the art style suggests, it may be meant for Saturday morning
The nicest thing I can say about Battletoads is this: it works. The controls are fine, I didn’t encounter any major technical issues, and an optional invincibility feature allows you to easily delete sections that are causing you too many problems. Just being playable from start to finish is a tragically low bar, but it’s the main thing Battletoads has to offer. Otherwise, this amazing experience goes through decades of game history to discover the Battletoads name and drag it through the mud.